On learning to speak Foreign

My mother tongue is French. Another way to say that, despite some scattered evidence to the contrary, I was destined to be bad at languages. Not to mention accents.

Then, as a reward for being a good French Literature student, I was given an Erasmus sholarship to study English abroad. I had the choice between two destinations: Glasgow, and Berlin. At the time, I laughed: ‘English in Berlin, you philistines: they speak GERMAN over there!’ So I moved to Glasgow, and realised straight away they probably spoke a language closer to English in Germany than in the working-class capital of Scotland. Ah well…

That I speak English at all now, 14 years after discovering Partick, is all down to my in-house teacher and wife, a lovely Derbyshire girl.

It was a long process, learning English. But now I write books in Alex Ferguson’s idiom and am also a translator, so you could say I’m sorted.

And one may feel that, English being the international language, the world is his oyster. But that’s just a label. The truth is most of the world speaks Foreign. As a tourist, that fact adds exoticism to a destination. ‘Oh, they don’t speak English, how cute’.

But what if you live where they speak Foreign?

So far, I have called home three Foreign-speaking countries: Slovakia, China and Laos. I spent 9 months in the first, 3 years in the second, and so far a year in Laos (out of 2-ish).

I’ve always been a bit annoyed by Brits who go to France on hol and can’t even be bothered to learn to say ‘bonjour’ and ‘merci’. Or Frenchpeople who will not lower themselves to articulate a ‘hello’ and ‘thank you’ in the anglo-saxon world.

So my take on living abroad has always been that I had to learn Foreign. It’s a show of respect, plus it has the additional advantage of making things easier with locals. Finally, each language having its own take on things, its own way of working, organising and showing the world, it’s plain fascinating.

These truths still hold true. Even more so since I learnt Mandarin, and am now discovering more and more of Lao. These two languages work in such different ways to European ones they are showing me new planets.

Having said that, how long will the Foreign-language learning honeymoon last?

Personally, I find it criminal to have lived in the same place for donkey’s years and not be able to speak the language. And I used to think that even ‘short stays’ merited that one learnt it. But I don’t know anymore.

I’m gonna try NOT to justify laziness, but let’s say I can see why career expats may grow out of bothering.

FIRST it’s not easy, especially with weird Foreign languages – which means ALL of them.

SECOND, say you learn for three years and get to what you feel is a decent level, but then leave to start all over again somewhere else…

THIRD, what you feel is a decent level may or may not enable you to have meaningful chats with locals. This important issue touches on what you want to ‘learn’ Foreign for: token-learning or with a view to exchanging your views on Plato and the latest Fields’ medal winner?

FOURTH, some country nationals don’t particularly reward you for making the effort. France for one. China. Laos… And counting.

FIFTH, while learning you still want a social life. So you hang out with those you can understand, and who can understand you. Mostly, other expats. Provided you get to a decent-enough level after 2 years, decent enough to form a friendship with locals that is, you’ll hit three potential walls: first, your social life is sorted, and you don’t have a lot more time for other friendships/activities to form. Second, you may come to realise the extent of the culture gap between you and ‘them’. It’s 100% normal that different people should be different, but it’s not always conducive to a great human experience. I enjoy karaoke, but not weekly. I dont’ like manic screaming. I don’t like betting money when playing cards while sitting out in sticky 30+ weather. If your conception of entertainment is not the same as that of those you want to befriend, something’ll have to give. The third wall is that just when you may start forming a meaningful frienship with a local, you will have to pack your bags and go somewhere else.

SIXTH, I’m married. And faithful. Both serious impediments to learning Foreign. After all, as I said at the start, my English is where it’s at now thanks to what we French people call ‘pillow-learning’. In other words, having a local partner is the best way ever to learn Foreign. Because you feel connected to his/her place, you want to learn more about your partner’s culture etc (I discovered that, in fact, it’s not always the case – but it’s mine: when I embrace a person, I embrace him/her, but also what made him/her). Also because you have a speaking dictionary next to you – very helpful.

From my experience, the expats who mix the most are 90% of the time those sexually-romantically involved with a Foreign speaker. Their partner comes with a ‘readymade’ group of friends, a network, and they help the expat smooth his/her way into local culture.

When I left Slovakia, after a great time, I spoke pidgin Slovak – forget cases and declensions. Enough to get by on the basics of everyday life. No formal lessons.

When I arrived in China, I took lessons for 2 months. After 2 months it struck me it was going to be a struggle to enjoy my stay in the country, and especially in Chongqing. The lack of affinity (which I wasn’t expecting at all and shocked me a fair bit) made me stop the tuitions. Luckily, being a ‘learn on the street’ kind of guy, when I left China I was able to speak quite a bit.

Laos is different. The people’s reactions to my trying to come up with Lao are pretty similar to those in China, but I enjoy Laos a LOT more than the Middle Empire, so I’m still learning after a year. Besides, my teacher is really fun and we’re three buddies wrestling with the quirks of the language together.

I can’t say I agree with expats who don’t make any effort. But I’ll reserve judgment until I’m 60 or so, after living in 10  different countries speaking 10 widly different languages.

In Denis Mandarin: Wo juede waiguoren yao xue waiguohua. Dan shi wo bu neng shuo waiguo-le ruguo bu xihuan zhege guo.

In Denis Lao: Koy kit va mod tuk khon tong hien pasa falang. Teva ha hien pasa falang, koy tong mak pathet niang.

In Denis Slovak: Kurva!